Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Mary Sue
by saran
Summary: This is the direct result of reading numerous Mary Sue fics. Be afraid.


Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Mary Sue

Author: Saran

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Disney owns all.

Author's Notes: Where do I begin? A passing thought that turned into something that probably should never have been. I apologize in advance. Keep in mind that this is humor, and that I am not saying that I am not guilty of occasionally writing Mary Sue characters. Or making a character blatantly OC just to get to the sex faster. Good times. Flaming will only solidify your stupidity.

Pairing: random sex all around!

Rating: PG-13

  
  


It had been a long day for both of the men. Jack Sparrow, and Will Turner had spent most of it in homoerotic, and compromising positions. Not that either man minded, really. Their world, and actions were solely controlled by one woman. 

Not in the sense of marriage, or a fiance, or even any sort of political rule over them. This girl could do things to them that no other person would think up, or dream of doing. She was simply known as: Mary Sue. She was perfect in every way. Not only having the power to control the will of the people around her, but she could also change the very dynamics of a character, so he or she would fall instantly, and desperately in love with her. Beautiful, and not without a distinguishing mark, such as scar, or mysterious tattoo, that is directly related to her sketchy past, she is the most charming, and sometimes crafty person either of the men had ever laid eyes on.

Sweat fell like rain out of the pirate's, as well as the blacksmith's pores. The sweltering heat of the past days seemed to have boiled both men into submission. In little time, the pair had been beaten by the heat, and forced to walk around in ungodly revealing, tight pants. Of course this also meant that neither man could have his shirt on. Which obviously meant that slashy goodness was not far away.

In an attempt to escape the unforgiving sun, Jack and Will, know by Mary Sue as: Elfboy, and Hunter. S Hotson, made refuge in Will's Smithery.

"Alas! To partake in such a cruel activity as the sun, laughing down on us, is beyond forgiveness! Savvy," Jack exclaimed to his lover, Will. "Although, I have been known to enjoy a peek or two at you, while you are toiling the day away in this workshop. You look so beautiful. Savvy."

"Not as beautiful as that girl who suddenly, and abruptly appeared out of nowhere, and somehow has managed to capture both of our hearts!" Will lifted a finger, and pointed it in Jack's general direction, as he commented on the mysterious beauty.

Jack silently agreed with Will. Nodding, and smiling. He remembered all of the abrupt strange, sexual behavior that had happened since the lass had shown up. He was dimly aware that a connection could be made, but he just could not seem to find one.

A sudden burst of light radiated through the crashing open doors of the workshop. A gentle warmth bathed the men, and comforted them in ways they had never felt before.

"Fair maiden, is it really you? Please, do not be startled by my uncouth appearance. Savvy," Jack gracefully rose to his feet, and took Mary Sue's hand in his own, and gently kissed it.

Will's eyes widened in awe. He did not realize that his jaw was hanging open. He had never experienced any joy this pure, and powerful.

"I love you." The words seemed to turn grey in comparison to what he was feeling.

"I love you... I love you both," She looked from one man to the other. Their eager faces pleased her, in a way that only her perfection could.

"My dearest, please. I cannot share you with any other man. I need to feel your touch, and purely your's alone. I will not have anyone gallivanting off with the only love I have ever known. Savvy," He straightened the best he could, and looked defiantly at the other male in the room.

"Are you asking for a challenge?" Will stepped in front of Mary sue, and drew his sword. When Jack stepped towards him, Will spoke again, "Draw your obscenely over-stylized weapon." Will looked dangerously at the man he loved, second to only the woman that goddess' would pale in comparison to. Mary Sue.

"Savvy." Jack glared at Will. As an after thought Jack said "Savvy," once more, and that last word lit a passion in Will's heart that only claiming Mary Sue could lay to rest.

Crossing blades with a pirate is one of the things that Will had come accustomed to. Every other day, it seemed, he and Jack were off to fight a sexy thief woman, who tripled as a stowaway on the Black Pearl, and a love interest. 

Blades clashed in an endless dance, neither man wanting to give up, or let the other man get the upper hand. Even pleas from Mary Sue could not quell their thirst for her.

Mary Sue was becoming desperate with fear as the men risked their lives to be with her.

"Wait, boys, please!" She made one last attempted plea before running towards the struggling men. "I love you both equally! Please, let the unnecessary sex commence!"

On cue, both men, overcome with a burning passion threw their weapons down. Cue unnecessary sex.


End file.
